She Was So We Could

Earlier this month, our Miss Myla had the taste of her first foods.  It was such a grand event that the kiddos would have paid ticket money to watch.  I was threatened many times to not feed her for the first time unless everyone was home so they could witness the grand event. 

No one was disappointed!  She put on great performance.

It once again left me with the feeling of gratitude for our birthmother. 

She was the one to sacrifice her life, body, weight, and more so that we could love each moment with our Lovie.

She was the one to turn her face away from the thought of abortion so that we could cherish her milestones.

She was the one to give her life so we could watch her live it.

She Believed

I don’t know why, but I have found that I go through times of intense feelings for our birthmother.  I think of her each and every day.  We even pray for her during our family morning prayer time; however, some days are just plain intense. 

I wish I knew if she feels our love. 

I wish I knew if she feels the Lord wrapping his arms around her for he loves her more than anyone.

The only thing I do know is the Lord created me for such a time as this.  He made me to have feelings of love that I never dreamed I could have.  It is Him that works in my heart to love the women who gave Myla life and then lovingly chose me to be her Momma.

 

She believed that I was the one to love Myla and guide her in life.  And I am!

She believed I would love every moment of being her mom.  And I do!

She believed that the most important decision was for Myla to grow up knowing the Lord.  And it is!

Thanks, dear birth mom, for believing!!

Myla's First Snow

As I glanced out the window on Friday, I observed the thin blanket of white covering the ground.  It hit me that this was Myla's first snow.  It is funny how the simpliest things will bring forth a wave of thoughts that leave me pondering all day long. 

Why would the snow bring forth a time of reflection?

Simple, our little princess is from Arizona.  Her Birth Mother has never seen snow.  It is a reminder to us that even the snow on the ground will bring forth a drastically different life than  she would have had if she were not in our hearts and lives.

 

Thoughts like these always leave me wondering...praying that I will be all that she needs me to be.  It brings me to a place of determination that I will not let her, her Birth Mother, or the Lord down. 

I will fight for her.  I will strive every day to show her the love we have for her.  I will try to represent the Father to her each and every day. 

 

With each day that I ponder these things in my heart, I will fall before the Father and ask for him to guide me as I love on our Arizona Princess...the child he chose for us. 

An Aching Heart

My heart is aching today.  I don't know if it is from writing post about our birth mother for I can tell you that I love her with all my heart.  It is a love that no one could have prepared me for.  It is a love that I know that the Lord placed into the depth of my soul.  I didn't put it there.  It was his doing. 

 

How do I know that?  When we started this journey, I was one of those who prayed for our Birth Mother, but felt that she was some invisible person who I honestly hoped would desire a closed adoption.   

 

The day that we were able to talk on the phone for the first time.  It all changed.  The Spirit of the Lord reached deep into my soul.  As soon as I heard her voice, I knew that she would be a sister  who I would fight for and love.

 

The aching could also be from the saddness that I have knowing she is missing out on so much.  Her lose is my gain.  It isn't right.  Why do I get to have so much? For the lose, I ache.

This aching has turned into tears twice already. 

 

Could the aching also be from the feelings I have when out of the blue I miss our Birth Mother?  It is as if the Lord is allowing me to experience just a piece of the loneliness that perhaps Myla will have when she reflects on her adoption.  Whatever the reason, Bryan and I miss her at times.  It is a feeling no one could have told me I would experience.  Why would I miss and love someone I don't know well?

 

I know that the Lord is using the aching to mold me into the friend...sister I need to be for our Birth Mother and most importantly the Mommy I need to be for my little one.

Birth Mother Questions #3 and #4

Questions #3-Do you know why her Birth Mother needed you to adopt her?

I really feel that this question is of little importance. 

What really matters is why she chose adoption and not why there was a need. 

Why did she choose adoption?

Because she loved her child and knew that it was best for her. 

This leads me to the next question...


We journey together hand in hand.

Question #4-Why did your Birth Mother choose you?

We were told that she looked for a family where her child would never be alone...a place where she would always be safe. 
(To all you with large families, take comfort in the fact that there are mothers who want their little ones placed into the hearts of a large family.  Some are actually looking for a big family.)

She read each profile and examined them for a couple who would teach her daughter about the Lord. 

As our consultant, Tracie Loux, stated, "If God is leading you to adopt, then there is a birth family that will think your family is PERFECT!"

 Praise the Lord, she thought our family was perfect. 

We walk humbly into this job. 

 We journey into this high calling with the Lord as our guide.  It is a role that He prepared in advanced for us to do.

We love our sleeping babe.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Birth Mother Question #2

Birth Mother Question #2-Does it scare you to have a relationship with the Birth mother?

No, not at this point. I strongly feel that there will be points in Myla's life that her Birth Mother will need us and we will need her.

I am only afraid of loosing Myla's heart by not being open to a relationship with the lady who so lovingly gave her life. She is a huge part of who Myla is. 

Our birth mother will always be a part of our life ..our family.

Even if we never speak to her again, she is a part of us. 

Even if she doesn't make the choices in life I would, she gave my daughter life and than chose us to be her parents. For those reasons, I love her dearly.

God put her in our lives. We will try our best to represent Him.


Help, Drew is hugging me to tight

 

Philippians 2:5-8

⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

⁶ Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
⁷ rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

Birth Mother Question #1

As individuals gaze into little Myla's eyes, it is very common for questions about her Birth mother to be vocalized. 

 

I thought it would be profitable to share some of the questions along with the answers that Bryan and I have so far.  I know that our journey is just beginning, so things can and probably will change.  As that happens, we will do as we always have and lean on the Lord and his Word for a new way of thinking.   

 

Question #1-Have you kept in touch with the Birth Mother?

 

Yes, we are trying to keep the line of communication open.  Our birth mother wanted a closed adoption.  She didn't have a desire for pictures, calls, letters, or any form of communication.  Once we meet in the hospital, once she saw her little baby, once a relationship was formed between us all, the door to a semi-open relationship developed.  We have had calls, pictures, letters, and birthday gifts sent.

 

Matthew 5:16

¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 

Enough Love

While on Tracie Loux's blog http://thespiritofadoption.wordpress.com/, I read the post

 I HAVE THIS BOX 

by Kymberli Thurman 

 

I found her words to be very touching.  In it she explained her journey as an adopted child as well as a mother who adopted.  She shared words that I pray that Myla will feel.  She expressed how she journeyed to discover how loved she was. Here are her words:

 

"Loved by a birth mom, who gave me life.

Loved by a mom and dad, who showed me life.

Loved by Jesus, who gave me life everlasting."

Our sleeping beauty

 My dear, sweet Myla may the love of your birth mother defeat the feelings of grief that may come crawling into your heart and mind.

 

May the love that Daddy and I pour out overpower any loneliness that creeps in.

 

May the love of our Heavenly Father wash any stains leaving you white as snow.

 

WE ALL LOVE YOU with a love deep enough to carry you through life.

"Post Birth Mother Depression"

Because we were touched by the sacrifice of our dear, sweet birth mother, we will never look at life the same.  When we look into the eyes of our little one, we are reminded of her love...her love for her child.  We are also reminded of her belief in us.  We are reminded of her drive to do what she felt she had to do for the child she loved no matter how painful it was for her...no matter how sad it was for her.

There are MANY times that Bryan and I both weep for her.  We weep over the sweet things that we are so privileged to witness that she is missing.  We cry over the memories that we are making with Myla that she is not able to experience. 

I have found that there are days that I have "post birth mom depression".  During these moments, I ache for our birth mother.  I have a feeling of loneliness for her.  I feel sad that she can't be a part of this truly amazing little creation that I have in my arms...my heart. 

 I cry when I share our story of meeting her.  I cry when I think about her sweet, sweet spirit and contagious smile.  She was one of those people who smiled and laughed even though her heart was breaking.  She was a strong spirit who bit the bullet to do what she needed to do for the child she carried.



Myla Haven Marie

Thank you for giving our little Arizona Princess life!!!

Reflecting Back on the Blessing Given By Our Birthmother

Bryan and I are completely blessed to have a loving relationship with our little ones Birth Mother.  She is a really sweet lady who has found a place in our hearts forever. 

We were able to meet with our Birth Mother four times during our stay at the hospital.  She is a very kind, loving and thoughtful person.  Here are a few of the blessing that she gave to us those few precious days while we all were at the hospital.  They are blessings that not all families who adopt have the privilege of getting:

1. She gave me the band to have complete access to our daughter.

2. She left the name on the birth certificate blank.  What does that mean?  Most children will get a name from their birth parents.  Once the adoption is final, the adoptive families will have the name changed.  Not so with our little one.  She is Myla Haven Marie Elliott and always will be.  Blessing!!  We were even able to put our last name on the certificate.

3.  She allowed us to meet Myla's Birth Grandma, Uncle, and Sister.  It was a time of love and peace for all of us.  We closed this meeting in a time of prayer as we all circled around the baby in prayer.  Blessing!!

4.  Our dear Birth Mother signed the placement papers at 72 hours.  This was a very significant time for us all!  Blessing!!

5.  After she signed the papers, we placed the baby in the nursery and went to say good bye to our Birth Mother.  It was a blessing to share those special moments with her.  We shared many hugs and tears as we said our good byes.  We will forever cherish this women.  We will forever pray for her.  We will forever love that she gave her child life and then so lovingly placed her into our hearts forever.  Blessing!!

Reflecting Back On Our Hospital Stay

We were blessed to have our baby born in a VERY adoption friendly hospital.  We were all treated with love and respect. 

This not only included Bryan and I, but also her Birth Mother.  It was  a beautiful thing to experience. 

I was blessed to have my very own room to stay in for the whole 2 1/2 days that I was in the hospital. 

I never left her sight except to eat and shower. 

Not only did I not leave her sight, but every time the doctor came by to do rounds they would come into my room and do the exam.  They would talk with me as if I had been the one to give birth to her.  It really helped to have so much respect and care.

 

The evenings were a very special time for my baby girl and me.  We really bonded each and every moment that we had together.  It was a awesome thing to behold.  I prayed that I would bond with her immediately.  I am happy to say that the Lord answered this prayer in ways that I could never have imagined. 

 Bryan was there during the days.  He had to do a little more traveling back and forth, but he also savored each and every moment he had with his princess. 

One of the tasks that we had during our stay in the hospital was finding a name that fit our little bundle of joy.  We had been playing around with the name Haven, but were uncertain that it would be the one. 

 Once we saw our daughter, we didn't feel that Haven was the perfect first name. We did feel that it would be in her name some how.

 

The staff at the hospital was really cool so they helped us out by finding a baby name book and letting us get online so we could do a search for the meaning of name.  For anyone who know us, the meaning of a name is as important or more so than the name itself.

It was on Saturday that we felt that Myla Haven Marie Elliott was the name that Lord had given us for our little sweetie.  Our baby girl now had a name!!

Reflecting Back on Meeting Our Birth Mother and Our Baby Girl

When we arrived at the hospital, our little sweetie was 17 hours old.  We were aching to see her.  Once the head nurse introduced herself to us, she let us know that before we could see our little beauty we needed to go see the birth mother.  She wanted to meet us first.
Fear...nerves...anxiety took over my heart and mind.  Had she changed her mind?  Would she like us?  Would I be to short (yes, that really was a fear of mind)  Would I be able to communicate my feelings to her properly?
I can honestly tell you that the moment we walked into the room all fear was gone.  Love...respect...gratitude...took fears place.  Bryan and I embraced her.  She quietly whispered into my ear, "I knew that you would keep her safe."  Tears flowed freely down all our cheeks.  I remember one of my tears falling on her shoulder as her own tear fell and mixed into mine.  It was a very symbolic moment to know that just as these two tears mixed into one so were our lives mixed together by the love that we both had for one dear child. 
This first meeting was not a long one.  Once we gathered ourselves together, she told me that she wanted to be the one to give me the band.  This band was the band that hospitals place on all the mothers' wist so they can have the baby taken to their room or so they can get the baby from the nursery.  This band was a true gift.  It was symbolic of the trust that she had in me.  It was a symbol of the fact that she needed me to be the mother of her child.  I now was becoming the primary caretaker of this little one. I would be the only one who could get her in or out of the nursery. 
I was so overwhelmed I couldn't do anything, but weep.  Once the nurse placed the band on my wrist, our birth mother told us she needed a little time to herself.


After a tearful goodbye, we walked into the nursery as the father and mother of this little treasure.  These pictures capture the first moments we shared with our sweetie. 


Nothing could have prepared me for her sweet face. 

 She stole our hearts

I was able to feed my baby.

As I gazed into her face, I saw parts of her birth mother. 

It made loving her even easier.  I have a true love for both of them. 

One gave her daughter life...life in our hearts. 

The other was our life...our all.

Yes, she will be safe in her Daddy's arms.

 He will protect her.  She is our daughter. 

This was just the beginning of our journey together.

Reflecting Back On Her Birthday

When I have an opportunity to talk with friends and family, they are filled with alot of questions.  I thought it would be fun to have posts in which I will the answer the questions.  This would allow me to "reflect back" on the wonderful first days of our little Myla. 
In this post, I will reflect back on the day the she was born.  It was a day just like any other.  We had done a little more packing and organizing before dinner.  The three oldest children had places to go so Bryan thought it would be wise for me to go shopping all by myself to grab a few things we needed for the trip while he stayed home with the three little people.
I had just arrived at the mall and was making my way to the second store when I heard my phone ring.  I noticed it was the social worker over our adoption.  I was a little curious as to why she would be calling, but not nervous.  When I heard her voice, the nerves hit an all time high.  I had that feeling of sweat and heat radiate my body.  She had a voice of concern.
She proclaimed, "Gretchen, this is Ami.  Her birth mother wanted me to let you know that she is having an emergency c-section in a 1/2 hour."
"Oh, no! What happened!  I will miss the birth!  What should I do?  Oh, no!  I can't believe this," I managed to get out.
I quickly got off of the phone after I assured her I would call back when I knew when I could get out there.  I called Bryan while I ran through the mall crying.  I am sure I looked like a crazy women, but I was a mama who was missing the birth of her daughter.  I was missing out on being the first to hold, feed, care for and love her. 
Once I called our Consultant, Tracie Loux, and Courntie, our friend from Arizona,  I drove home in a blur.  I ran into the door and the Elliott version of "Home Alone" started.   Libby and I got the older kids home and we started the mad dash to pack every item we would need into the suitcases. 
I was sure that I would have to travel all by myself for no one would have a nonstop flight for 7 people, but we packed everyone just in case.The Lord blew us away by showing up in a huge way.  Our airline not only had a flight for me in the morning, but for the whole family.  Yes, the whole family.  They changed our flight from October 17th to October 11th for a really low switching fee of $300 for all of us combined.  It was a miracle.  We would all be there together. 
By 9:30, we were all packed.  Thank the Lord we had done alot of the packing earlier.  Now we just had to play the waiting game.  I hadn't heard if our baby was ok or better yet if she was even born.    I had no idea why they needed to take her early by emergency c-section.  Around 12:30 A.M., I received a call that our precious little girl was born at 5:38 (Arizona time).  She weighed in at 6 lbs 13 oz. and was 18.5 inches long.  Her AP GAR scores were 8 and 9.  The only other info about her  that I received was that she had a full head of black hair.  I could only imagine her beauty.
We tried to get a little sleep for we were leaving the house at 3:30 in the morning to catch our flight.  Sleep didn't come.  All I knew was that I needed to get there fast.  I needed to get that baby in my arms.  Praise God that she was here and she was well.