Soap Lessons #3

Once you have witnessed the death of sweet, little children while seeing the pain and grief that grips the heart of their parents, you are never the same.  Once your own child has brushed the face of death leaving you wondering why you were given a second chance while others are burying their treasures and dreams, you look at life differently. 

 



Caleb's first week home.

 

There were days that guilt would be hard to push aside so truth could be revealed in my heart and soul. I felt horrible I was holding and nurturing my son while others I had met were visiting the cementary.  I will never forget one tombstone that I would visit close to our home that stated, “Walk Softly Our Dream Lies Here”.  I was able to kiss, hold, and care for my dream while theirs was gone.

On the days that Truth won out, I knew that with this new outlook on life I needed to focus on the voice of the Lord and the lessons he taught me inside the walls of the hospital.  I was reminded each day to seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness. 



Isaiah and Caleb together for the first time.
 Isaiah was never able to see his brother when he was in the hospital.

 

Did I do that?  Did I really seek him first?  Did I go to the Father before anyone else?  Did I ask him to show me the world through his eyes and his understanding?

I can tell you that the answer to these questions was probably not.  Or at least not often enough!  But the second I learned of Caleb’s illness, I fell to my knees and stayed there.  It was in the face of death that I knew he was the only one who held the answers, cure, healing power, and hope. 

 



The moment I longed for...to be with both of my boys!

As the soap cleansed my skin, the Lord washed my heart of idols I had put in his place.  They weren’t helping.  He was.  As I made our journey home, I knew I needed to keep Him on the Throne…and him only.  Why is that so hard to do?  Why is the world so loud at times…so convincing?

And what about my family?  Sure, I was a loving mom, but was I giving them the best?  The soap cleansing moments penetrated deep and proved to me that I was more selfish than I cared to admit.  I learned that each moment is sacred.  Everyone that I loved could be taken in a blink.  I became determined to give my all, be my all, and love with all I had.  Those days became a turning point in my thinking.  My heart needed a change...so change I did or should I say tried.

Caleb's first bath.  See his little scar healing up.





Now so many years later, I have found that I need to change in so many ways again.  I need to remember the days of old and let the cleansing power to resurface.

Lord, guide my heart to the place you long it to be…focused on you and my family.  If I seek you first and serve my family whole heartedly, I will be one successful lady.