Soap Lessons #1

 

After the shock of my son’s condition started to wear off, I started to question myself and the Lord.   Glimpses of uncertainty ruled my brain…uncertainty as to why.

What had I done wrong to cause his defect?  Why did the Lord allow my son to be formed in such a manner that he is suffering?  Did I eat something wrong, expose myself to something, or did I take a medicine that caused this?  Was the Lord punishing me for my sins?

Why did my perfect little bundle have to suffer so much?




Mommy and Caleb's first moments together. 
Little did I know that I wouldn't be able to hold him for five grueling days.

 

It was early in the journey that the Lord spoke to my heart by one of the hospital workers.  I think she saw my internal battle to make sense of it all.  She looked at me and said, “Gretchen, you know that the Lord could have chosen any mother for a special son like Caleb, but he picked you.  It was your womb that he knit him together in.  The Lord knew that you were the right mother to raise a son with a special heart.”



Holding Caleb in the Newborn ICU at five days old.
It was the place the soap lessons started.

 

In Psalms 33:13-15, 18-19, I found the comfort that I needed:

¹³ From heaven the Lord looks down
and sees all mankind;
¹⁴ from his dwelling place he watches
all who live on earth—
¹⁵ he who forms the hearts of all,
who considers everything they do.

¹⁸ But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
¹⁹ to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

I was reminded that the Lord made my son’s heart.  He had a purpose for the trails that lay ahead.  It was his will for us to journey together to accomplish the task before us.  I was suddenly filled with a sense of pride.  My son was chosen to carry out a task…a special task and I was the mother chosen to help him through it. 



This was the hardest pre-surgery day. The alarms went off constantly due to his failing heart.  The positive nurses looked into my fearful eyes and said,"This just proves they picked the perfect surgery day.  Tomorrow the Dr. will fix his heart."

My first soap lesson was:

1.        Attitude is everything- I found there was no time for feeling sorry for my son or myself. It was a waste of precious energy.   I didn’t need to ask “why”!  The Lord reminded me that he would answer some of the whys along the way.  I had to just take the task before me, pick up my cross and follow Christ. 

Caleb was three weeks here.  We were just days from going home.

 

2.       Perspective is Crucial- I think many times we feel like a calling should be glamorous, but Christ suffered, his disciples suffered, and the apostles suffered for their calling.  I discovered that this was our calling…one he would never let us journey alone in.  We would have times of suffering in the midst of it, but having a correct perspective would keep us going. 

I love this picture.  It shows Caleb's determination and perspective. 
He won 1st place in his triathlon. 
If you look past the metal, you can see his scar

3.       Determination is Key for Survival- I discovered that there are times in my life that I have to carry my children’s cross along with my own.  It can be very heavy and grueling at times; however, if the seed of determination is present, my children feel it, grow from it, and learn to live by the same “code”.  Not only will my children benefit, but my Savior’s plan will be lived out in my life. 

Bryan and I with Caleb before  iRun for Them.  The fund raiser he planned on his own.
He ran 13 miles.

I keep wondering why the Lord has made the memories and lessons resurface?  But as I write each word, I know that I have forgotten some of the truths.  I have failed to let the cleansing power the Lord used so long ago to linger over the last 15 years. 

I have focused on Caleb because of his unusual beginning, but I long to be an example to all of my beauties.
They are my world.

My Savior needs me revisit the truths within this post.  My children need to see me live out the truths found in each word.  My soul needs to be cleansed yet again.  May you too gain insight in your life as you read along. 

More Soap Lessons to come, but until then let us journey together towards a better attitude, a proper perspective and a strong determination to live our calling.