Toys?

 

Who  

 needs a

mobile? 

I have Drew!

 

The Battle

 Do you ever forget we are in a battle...at war with the father of lies?

Isn't he good at what he does? 
Satan loves to distract us into sin, busyness, and fear. 
It keeps us from being productive for the Savior.

 Prepare your weapons!  Put on your armor!

We have a battle to fight with the King of Kings!

The enemy is near.

Soap Lesson #4

As the understanding of Caleb’s defect began to sink into my brain, I began to make connections between his physical heart and the spiritual heart of myself and many, many others.  Caleb was born with no signs of having any physical issues.  He looked normal on the outside and had absolutely no heart murmur,

but on the inside his heart was defected.  His heart was doing a job, but it wasn’t the job that his body needed for survival.   

 

Aren’t we the same way? 

We try with all our being to look right and appear to have it all together, but inside we are dying.  We try hard to let the Lord determine our steps, but the world wins out.  The world tells us how to look, act, and be so we follow only to deplete our body of the spiritual oxygen we need for survival.   We fall into the trap that is mentioned in Colossians 2:8:

We become captive to the hollow and deceptive philosophy which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of the world rather than Christ.

It is the opposite of how the Word tells us things should be.  The Lord tells us in 2 Corinthians 2:4:16 that outwardly we are to be wasting way, but inwardly we are to be renewed day by day. 

How do we receive this renewal each day?  How can we leave the fatal defect behind us and receive healing?

Unlike Caleb, we can fix the problem.  Later in the 2 Corinthians passage, we are told to fix our eyes on what is unseen not on what is seen. 



My little guy just 2 weeks after leaving the hospital.  Doesn't he look healthy?

Do we go to Savior for healing?  Do we allow him to perform surgery on our “issue” areas?  Being in ministry, I can tell you that many Christians don’t allow the Father to cleanse them.  They love the sin…world more than the Father. 

Don’t fall into the same trap.  If you don’t seek the Father, he will either perform “open heart surgery” or he will deny you for eternity.   

SEEK THE UNSEEN!  FREE YOURSELF FROM THE SILENT DEFECT OF YOUR HEART!

To Think

To think, we could have missed out on this treasure. 

 

 To think, just a simple "no", because we have a lot of kids would have robbed us of loving her. 

 

To think, fear of not having extra money in the bank could have been a wall that prevented her from being in the arms of a loving father.

 

To think, the demands of life in ministry could have been a great excuse to close the door on adoption causing our children to miss out on their Joy.

To really think about what we have gained is overwhelming.



Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17

Soap Lessons #3

Once you have witnessed the death of sweet, little children while seeing the pain and grief that grips the heart of their parents, you are never the same.  Once your own child has brushed the face of death leaving you wondering why you were given a second chance while others are burying their treasures and dreams, you look at life differently. 

 



Caleb's first week home.

 

There were days that guilt would be hard to push aside so truth could be revealed in my heart and soul. I felt horrible I was holding and nurturing my son while others I had met were visiting the cementary.  I will never forget one tombstone that I would visit close to our home that stated, “Walk Softly Our Dream Lies Here”.  I was able to kiss, hold, and care for my dream while theirs was gone.

On the days that Truth won out, I knew that with this new outlook on life I needed to focus on the voice of the Lord and the lessons he taught me inside the walls of the hospital.  I was reminded each day to seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness. 



Isaiah and Caleb together for the first time.
 Isaiah was never able to see his brother when he was in the hospital.

 

Did I do that?  Did I really seek him first?  Did I go to the Father before anyone else?  Did I ask him to show me the world through his eyes and his understanding?

I can tell you that the answer to these questions was probably not.  Or at least not often enough!  But the second I learned of Caleb’s illness, I fell to my knees and stayed there.  It was in the face of death that I knew he was the only one who held the answers, cure, healing power, and hope. 

 



The moment I longed for...to be with both of my boys!

As the soap cleansed my skin, the Lord washed my heart of idols I had put in his place.  They weren’t helping.  He was.  As I made our journey home, I knew I needed to keep Him on the Throne…and him only.  Why is that so hard to do?  Why is the world so loud at times…so convincing?

And what about my family?  Sure, I was a loving mom, but was I giving them the best?  The soap cleansing moments penetrated deep and proved to me that I was more selfish than I cared to admit.  I learned that each moment is sacred.  Everyone that I loved could be taken in a blink.  I became determined to give my all, be my all, and love with all I had.  Those days became a turning point in my thinking.  My heart needed a change...so change I did or should I say tried.

Caleb's first bath.  See his little scar healing up.





Now so many years later, I have found that I need to change in so many ways again.  I need to remember the days of old and let the cleansing power to resurface.

Lord, guide my heart to the place you long it to be…focused on you and my family.  If I seek you first and serve my family whole heartedly, I will be one successful lady.



 

My Sleeping Beauty

 

Just had to share these pictures of my sleeping beauty!

Soap Lesson #2

 

On the day of Caleb’s surgery,  he was placed in the ICU that was right by the surgery wing.   If anything went wrong, he could easily be rushed back into surgery.  Due to the fact that he had so many machines keeping him alive, he needed the extra space so he received the biggest room on the unit.

The morning after his correction surgery I turned the corner to get to his room and I was stopped dead in my tracks.  All I saw in his room was a cleaning crew.   Caleb was gone.  What?   Was he rushed into surgery?  Did he pass away in the night?  I couldn’t breathe.  Fear gripped me.

 

Just as I was feeling as if I could pass out, a nurse rushed over to let me know there was a five year old little girl who needed his room.  Caleb was stable and healing so they moved him over just one room. 

 As she escorted me to his new room, she let me know that a sweet, little Japanese girl was very unstable and could pass away at any time.   I asked her if I would be told if her condition deteriorated so I could leave the floor when she died.  Much to my relief, I was reassured that they always had the floor cleared so the parents could grieve in private.  I had already witnessed one child’s death.  I didn’t want to look into the face of grieving parents again…EVER!!!

One day later, horror, fear, and grief gripped my life as nurse quickly entered my room to let me know that I wasn’t going to be able to leave Caleb’s room for a while.  The little girl was dying.  If I left now I would be seen by her family who was piled in the room and hall way.  So there I sat struggling to breath.

 

Lord, why?  Please take this burden from them!   Please heal this child!  Please!  Do something!  

I sat there weeping as I hear the soft cries of grief from her family.  I assumed that at any moment I would hear yelling, wailing, and anger.  But instead, our little five year old neighbor entered the presence of the KING while her dear family sing in their language, "Have Thine Own Way, Lord" and "It Is Well with My Soul". 

It was the sound of angels!  I will never forget the beauty of those grieving songs. I will forever remember the pain of hearing her family escorting her to into the arm of her Savior. It was a powerful witness to everyone. Their faith changed me forever.  I pray I have just a hint of the faith they had.

I am forever reminded when I whiff the hospital soap’s aroma that

True Faith in the Savior is Powerful- Display It Even Into Death!!



Soap Lessons #1

 

After the shock of my son’s condition started to wear off, I started to question myself and the Lord.   Glimpses of uncertainty ruled my brain…uncertainty as to why.

What had I done wrong to cause his defect?  Why did the Lord allow my son to be formed in such a manner that he is suffering?  Did I eat something wrong, expose myself to something, or did I take a medicine that caused this?  Was the Lord punishing me for my sins?

Why did my perfect little bundle have to suffer so much?




Mommy and Caleb's first moments together. 
Little did I know that I wouldn't be able to hold him for five grueling days.

 

It was early in the journey that the Lord spoke to my heart by one of the hospital workers.  I think she saw my internal battle to make sense of it all.  She looked at me and said, “Gretchen, you know that the Lord could have chosen any mother for a special son like Caleb, but he picked you.  It was your womb that he knit him together in.  The Lord knew that you were the right mother to raise a son with a special heart.”



Holding Caleb in the Newborn ICU at five days old.
It was the place the soap lessons started.

 

In Psalms 33:13-15, 18-19, I found the comfort that I needed:

¹³ From heaven the Lord looks down
and sees all mankind;
¹⁴ from his dwelling place he watches
all who live on earth—
¹⁵ he who forms the hearts of all,
who considers everything they do.

¹⁸ But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
¹⁹ to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

I was reminded that the Lord made my son’s heart.  He had a purpose for the trails that lay ahead.  It was his will for us to journey together to accomplish the task before us.  I was suddenly filled with a sense of pride.  My son was chosen to carry out a task…a special task and I was the mother chosen to help him through it. 



This was the hardest pre-surgery day. The alarms went off constantly due to his failing heart.  The positive nurses looked into my fearful eyes and said,"This just proves they picked the perfect surgery day.  Tomorrow the Dr. will fix his heart."

My first soap lesson was:

1.        Attitude is everything- I found there was no time for feeling sorry for my son or myself. It was a waste of precious energy.   I didn’t need to ask “why”!  The Lord reminded me that he would answer some of the whys along the way.  I had to just take the task before me, pick up my cross and follow Christ. 

Caleb was three weeks here.  We were just days from going home.

 

2.       Perspective is Crucial- I think many times we feel like a calling should be glamorous, but Christ suffered, his disciples suffered, and the apostles suffered for their calling.  I discovered that this was our calling…one he would never let us journey alone in.  We would have times of suffering in the midst of it, but having a correct perspective would keep us going. 

I love this picture.  It shows Caleb's determination and perspective. 
He won 1st place in his triathlon. 
If you look past the metal, you can see his scar

3.       Determination is Key for Survival- I discovered that there are times in my life that I have to carry my children’s cross along with my own.  It can be very heavy and grueling at times; however, if the seed of determination is present, my children feel it, grow from it, and learn to live by the same “code”.  Not only will my children benefit, but my Savior’s plan will be lived out in my life. 

Bryan and I with Caleb before  iRun for Them.  The fund raiser he planned on his own.
He ran 13 miles.

I keep wondering why the Lord has made the memories and lessons resurface?  But as I write each word, I know that I have forgotten some of the truths.  I have failed to let the cleansing power the Lord used so long ago to linger over the last 15 years. 

I have focused on Caleb because of his unusual beginning, but I long to be an example to all of my beauties.
They are my world.

My Savior needs me revisit the truths within this post.  My children need to see me live out the truths found in each word.  My soul needs to be cleansed yet again.  May you too gain insight in your life as you read along. 

More Soap Lessons to come, but until then let us journey together towards a better attitude, a proper perspective and a strong determination to live our calling.

 

Soap Lessons

It is really weird how a simple little smell can bring forth a flood of emotions, memories, and lessons. While I was in the hospital with Myla, I washed my hands and WHAM it hit me square in the heart. The memories of August 1997 came flooding back.

It was the birth of my dear, sweet Caleb, our second born.  He was healthy, strong, and beautiful. 



Caleb just moments after his birth.  We had no clue what was before us.

He nursed like a champ and was taken to the nursery for a bath when it all changed.  In that nursery, our lives took a drastic turn.  Our healthy little man who was only four hours old went from strong to fighting for his life in a blink of an eye.


Caleb at about 5 hours old.

My son was fighting with all that he had in him to live. While the nurse started his bath, she noticed that he was starting to turn blue around his lips.  She didn’t know how, but an oxygen saturation machine was right beside him with a probe already on it so she placed it on him.  His oxygen was in the sixties and was quickly dropping. 

 

She turned to the right of her and this time found an oxygen mask already hooked to oxygen. She immediately put it on him as she called a code.  The doctors and nursed couldn't explain how the machines were where they were.  They were baffled, but we knew that it was the LORD'S FINGERPRINTS.  He had a plan for Caleb's life.



When we saw Caleb for the first time in this condition, pain and fear gripped our hearts.

 I remember hearing a code called over the speakers of the hospital. I recall thinking how sorry I felt that someone had a loved one fighting for life. Little did I know that I was the very person I felt sorry for.

 The staff immediately started fighting to find a respirator that he would respond to. After trying everything possible to get our little man oxygen, they placed him on the last possible machine in the building. It had him breathing 500 breathes a minute. Yes, 500. NO, it isn't a typo. It was all they have to keep him alive.


The only relief we could find was prayer.

Once they had him somewhat stable, the nurse came into our room to break the news that our child might not make it. Our sweet baby could die. The only hope that he had of living was to transfer him to Riley Hospital for Children. The problem with this was that it was 1 hour away...a long distance for a child so ill.

They allowed us to see him briefly.  Before they took him in the ambulance for transport, the nurse took these pictures on a Polaroid camera. They feared it would be the only pictures we would get of him alive so they snapped these pictures of us touching and praying over our beauty.



Our son at Riley Hospital waiting for his surgery day.  He was a very sick baby.  Fever gripped his body while the meds made him swell.  We weren't allowed to touch or talk to loud to him.

This is where the soap lessons came into my life forever. Just six hours after my son entered the world, he was taken to have a heart catheterization to put a hole in his heart to keep him alive until he had open heart surgery for a heart defect called Transportation of the Great Arteries. To read about his defect click here.  They were able to keep my son alive until he was 6 days old then he had open heart surgery to repair his fragile heart.

 



The fifth day of Caleb's life was a very unstable day for him.  His heart was failing.  We were only able to hold him, because his surgery was the following day.  They wanted us to have time with him just in case.

He was in ICU from the second he entered Riley Hospital. In order to see our son, we had to scrub our hands, wrist, and arms up to our elbows and put on a gown. As the soap cleaned my skin, the Lord worked on cleaning my heart. I learned so much during my son's time of healing. Each time I get a whiff of the skin cleanser, the Lord reminds me of the lessons of long ago.

 



Caleb taking his car seat test to see if he could go home for the first time.

 I want to invite you to journey with me as the Lord does yet another work on my heart while I share my soap lessons.  Over the next several blog post, I will write about the things the Lord revealed and taught me throughout my son's time of healing.  May your heart be changed as mine was.  My son's was open heart surgery was physical, but my was very spiritual.  

 



Isn't She...

 Lovely

Adorable 

 

Beautiful!!